GOD’S GRACE IN THE MOMENT
I was driving on 495 the other day and began noticing how quickly autumn is upon us here in New England. It feels like the leaves are on a timer – September begins, an alarm goes off and they begin to turn shades of yellow, red, orange, and brown. As I begin to notice the change, I felt two responses take place in quick succession.
My immediate response was “UGH!”. I have a really difficult, even visceral, reaction to the onset of fall. I have nothing against fall. In fact, there are many autumn adventures that I look forward to every year: sitting around a campfire on cool evenings, apple picking, fall festivals, Thanksgiving, hayrides and corn-mazes, apple cider, and warm apple cider donuts to name a few. My emotional struggle with the coming of fall is related to what always inevitably follows – Winter.
My second response followed immediately. I began to see how completely unfair it was to be angry at fall for what comes after and how my dread of the winter that is coming, but is not yet here, was stealing my joy and ability to receive the many gifts that autumn brings. A large gift is actually taking in the beauty of the colors that show up almost overnight. It is as if God takes out His paintbrush and adds more color to world as I slept. This is only a gift I could receive as I took in what is rather than living in the anxiety of what is not yet – especially if there is nothing I can actually do to change it.
This is a continued piece of living into an invitation that Jesus recently extending to me. I was talking to Him about some situations I was working hard to change rather than receive. The words Jesus spoke as I vented was “Stop trying to change the circumstances and allow the circumstances be a part of my work in changing you!” Jesus said something very similar to His disciples in the Sermon on the Mount. The nuance of the Message translation is particularly poignant.
“Give your attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.” Matthew 6:34
“But Jesus, I do not like the circumstances I am in right now – they are hard, painful, difficult!” “Jesus, there is a particular goal I am working toward. If I let go of guiding the circumstances, how will I ensure I reach the end that I have in mind?” Yes, and Yes. I have friends who are living in the midst of unplanned events that are changing the entire way they have to think about and plan for the future – a future that is different from the one they were wanting and have work hard to attain. Yet living in the future means that I more less aware and open to what God is doing now – His current healing and transformative work, the unexpected gifts and encounters He opens before us, the larger picture that God often has in mind and the places He brings us as I make room and space for His leading even in the pain and unexpected shifts of life. The way I experience the grace that God has for the moment is to meet Jesus is what is rather than in working to control the circumstances to bring about the conclusion I think is best. This does not mean I do not plan for the future as best as I can; it means choosing to live in the present rather than living in a future that is not yet here and may never be as I picture it or anticipate it in this moment.
Toward this desire, the practice of centering prayer has become a gift to me. In centering prayer, I come to prayer with no other agenda or purpose other than being present to Jesus as He is present with me. I create space to be and whatever happens as a result is up to God and I am okay with that. I am finding in that the practice is opening greater space for Jesus in me. It is causing me to pay attention to not only the circumstances I am sitting with but how I am sitting with them. Places I thought I had worked through are being triggered in deeper ways, opening new opportunities to come to rest even deeper in Jesus’ love and grace. I am being changed in new and deeper ways. The practice is also having an unexpected result. I am finding myself not only more open to Jesus but also slowing down to be more present to others, the gift that they are, and the challenges that their life is currently contains. As I listen opened handedly space in being created for me to sit, watch, notice, and receive what God is doing now – even the gift of new and vibrant colors in the change of seasons.
For those who are interested I have a longer overview and guide to the practice of centering prayer below . What practices helps keep you attentive to the present working of God and the gifts of the current season in life?